An Audience of Four

An Audience of Four

Hi guys, it’s me Dadda and I’ve thought of a way to communicate with you about our life, family and why things are the way they are.  Its also a way for me to journal my feelings about this divorce and why our marriage didn’t work.  Today is March 8, 2011 and your mother and I are still married, for now.  We won’t be in a week or two and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. 

I love your mother with all of my heart but sometimes that’s not enough.  Despite the fact that we’ll soon be divorced, I want you to know that I love each one of you with all of my heart.  I’ll never regret marrying your mother because of you guys.  Each one of you means the world to me.  If you can always remember one thing, always remember how much I love you and how valuable you are to me.  I can’t tell you guys enough or give you all of the hugs and love my heart has for you all!!!! 

I have so much to say and explain that it will be hard to know where to begin and when to end daily.  This won’t be a chronological narrative and I’ll forget something’s and have to go back and add things in.  This is my best attempt to let you know who you are in light of your past.  I’ll tell you at some point about my mom and dad’s divorce and how it made me fell but I can’t tell you I would love to have a written account of why things happened and how they felt about it and how they felt about me.  It would have answered a lot of questions that I fear will never be answered.  It would have helped me tremendously if I knew how my parents felt about me.  My hope for this blog is that you can look back on this and someday better understand why things happened, from my perspective and more importantly, I hope through this you can see my love for you and you’ll never question your worth and value to me.  I love you each and there’s no enough words, hours or hugs to express the depth of my affection and love for each one of you. 

There will be many different kids of entries in this exercise.  Some will be to document my memories about you guys, our family, my life, wisdom that I’d like you to always remember and a lot of miscellaneous thoughts.  I hope to make you guys laugh, love, think, remember, understand, know, and learn. 

I’ve created this pen name to hide in plain view.  No one needs to know my name or yours, and you’ll know who each one of you are through out this.  This is our little corner of the world to create something unique and meaningful.  I am writing to an audience of four.  I don’t know when my last post will happen but between today and that day I hope to create a space where you can always return to find not only me and my thoughts, but also parts of each one of you. 

So the time has come to close the entry out.  It’s Tuesday and I have to pick you kids up from school in about 40 minutes.  Today is my day to spend about three hours and 40 minutes with you guys.  I love you guys, Dadda